Thursday, March 24, 2011

Muhasabah.......

its been a long time i did not post anything in this blog..... i was busy lately as i have started a new work last week.... yeah i am no longer a tuition teacher.. but i am still teaching a few students at my house when i off from my current work.... i am now a retail assistant at popular Bookstore..... in Quensbay outlet.....

On the first day i worked.. for me, i think it was a tired, lackadaisical and thats it i cant stand anymore... it was a tired day 4 me... as it is my first time for me to work... my legs are cramp..... as i stand all day long..... when i went home... i cried to my mum.... "mak!! penatnya keja... xlarat dah" my mum just look at me sympathetic..... she knows me well....  she said to me... "xda keja yang senang,... mak dulu pon keja kilang xduduk,... berdiri 12 jam,.... tp kenapa mak boleh? its all in your mind.... klo nk keja 2 jd senang... enjoy ur work" from that advice i know and i realize that.... my parents have been through a difficult time to raise US(my sibling and me)..... 

from that day... i set a new determination.... I CAN!!!! I CAN DO IT!!!..... and now yes i can.... even sometimes i felt like i cant do it but i tried to throw away the negatives inside of me...... i tried to set up something positive in me... i worked for experience..... not for the money... and i promised my self that i will used this experience for me to learn about the truth meaning of life..... and yes i get it now.....

it was on Tuesday 22nd of March 2011..... i was on full shift.... i started work at 1030 am and finished at 1030 pm..... its nearly 9 o clock... the Bookstore was nearly close... i did my last duty before the bookstore closed.... it was HOUSEKEEPING.. and i hate it..heheh.... while i was doing the housekeeping... a family came into the bookstore.... they stop at the Besta electronic dictionary kiosk in the bookstore.... the family: white hair father, mother wearing hijab and red tshirt, 2 daughter.... they look like just an ordinary family from ordinary background.... not a high standard family with a high salary,....... the youngest daughter wanted to buy the electronics dictionary.... they observed and compare the price...... then the mother asked:" adik nk yang mana?" then the youngest daughter replied " adik nk yg ni... sama macam kawan adik" but the dictionary that the youngest daughter want was the most expensive among all..... the mother became awry... even the cheapest of all, she was reluctant to buy.... i can see the face of her mother... full of dissapointment and emptiness..... 

she could not afford to buy the expensive one for her daughter,.... then she said " adik ambil yang ni sudah lah.... sama ja ngan kawan adik.. yg ni kecil skit.." with face of sadness.. then the daughter whine and cried..... she wants the expensive one.. her mother try to coax her.... but she ran away.... then the mother decide to buy the cheapest..... she try to negotiate and bargain with the promoter.... but the promoter couldnt do anything as the price is nett!! then i didnt know what was happen because i was called to the office because i have to record all the stocks came on that day...

so the situation gave me a lot of lesson and experience,..... it makes me realise that the girls=me.... yeah i admit it... i always troubling my parents in order to full fill my needs.... i still remember when i was a child.... my friends have a remote control car,.... at that time my parents was a factory worker.... i cried to them to buy me a remote control car immedietly..... and without saying anything they brought me to toys shop.... even the were tired of working..... second situation..... i was in form 4,.... and i never had a handphone at that time.. but all of my friends already have their own handphone.... i cried to my mum.. i want it!! and my mum bought it.... even at that time my parents have a financial problem... they worked as a hawker at that time before my mum own a restaurant,..... third situation.... when i was 18..... i was pursuing my study in pre University..... which was form 6.... i wanted to own a laptop.... when i owned a laptop its made me easier to finish my assignment.... i asked m father to buy me a laptop... and he bought me immediately... just with an advice "blajar rajin2..... jgn main2" yeah i just ignore it as i get the laptop......

i love my parents damn much.... they give me all i wants.... they tried to full fill my needs even it is hard for them... i know sometimes it is hard for them to full fill it.. but they tried their best.... sometimes i realize i was so sellfish..... i was so cruel to my parents..... but in order to get what i want i just blind my heart...... 

they always give what i want.... but me??? i never give them anything.... but i tried.... i tried to give them happiness... i TRIED!!!!!! since i was in standard 6... i tried to give them happiness from my UPSR result.. but i failed to give them... the same goes to my PMR and SPM..... i dont know where i went wrong.... i tried my best in study,... but the result was dissapointed.... hmmmm.... STPM result.... i think just the same... even my parents says that it was OK..... STPM is not easy compare to diploma.... but i want to give them a big glory..... 

then i promised my self.... i wont disappointing my parents any more..... what ever i will do.... in what ever situation i will make my parents happy... and i promise my self... if i get chances to further my study in degree.... i will give 100% concentration... all my life... my hardwork... my glory is only for GOD and my parents!!!! mak, abah, i love both of u so much... doakan kejayaan anakmu... amin!!! dan aku mohon padamu ya ALLAH.. kau ampunkanlah dosa kedua ibu bapaku... dan kau permudahkanlah rezeki mereka.... dan kau panjangkanlah umur mereka.. amin ya rabal alamin......

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